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Why I’m happy to let my sexuality define me

Written by gaytourism

I’m not exactly subtle about the fact that I’m bisexual.

I talk about it regularly on all my social media platforms. It’s in my bio, on all of my social media platforms.

My handle on Twitter is literally @bisexualcharlie.

Things have not always been this way though.

I came out to my high school friends as bisexual when I was 14. It was never really something I talked about after that.

And then I drunkenly came out to my family on my 18th birthday.

If LGBTI issues came up, I’d happily discuss them. I’d correct my family if they said anything that was slightly problematic. Again though – I still didn’t really actively talk about my own sexuality.

My first year of University was spent adjusting to a new life and I didn’t really allow myself the time to think about being LGBTI.

I attempted to join my University LGBTI society in my second year. But it was so incredibly cliquey and consisted mainly of cis gay men. I went to two meetings then didn’t go back again.

Eventually, the yearning for some sort of community pulled me to National Student Pride. From there, I also went on to get a job in LGBTI media with Gay Star News, who I had worked with in my time at Student Pride.

Over the course of two years, I went from never talking about my sexuality to it being a large part of what I do.

One thing I’ve noticed that straight people like to do when you call someone a ‘gay man’ or a ‘bisexual woman’ is question why you had to include their sexuality.

‘It’s not like their sexuality defines them’ or ‘not that their sexuality defines them,’ they’ll joke. I’ve never quite fully understood why, but I’ve heard it more times than I can count. Perhaps it’s some attempt at being funny and relatable?

The importance of visibility

It gets me thinking every time though.

Perhaps some don’t want to be ‘defined’ by their sexuality – But I am more than happy to be known as a bisexual person to people I meet, new and old.

Visibility is so incredibly important.

Countless LGBTI celebrities have shared stories about why they’re so open about their sexuality.

Evan Rachel Wood spoke out in 2017 about how visibility helped save her.

‘There was a time, despite what it may have looked like on the surface, that the fear had gripped me so tight, and I felt broken and unlovable,’ She explained. And I did not think I would see tomorrow.’

The actress went on to highlight the importance of visibility: ‘But because of the voices I listened to, because of the people I identified with, the films I had watched, the music I had heard, because of words like “bisexual” and the doors that it opened, I’m still here — and I didn’t miss out on the most beautiful thing I’ve seen yet, and that was my son.’

Not everyone is going to relate to a celebrity though.

And that’s what visibility is about really, isn’t it? Seeing someone who identifies the same way as you an being able to relate to them. It’s a nice reassurance that you’re not the only one out there who feels like that.

Kate Harrad wrote Purple Prose: Bisexuality in Britain, which is labelled the ‘first handbook to bisexuality in the UK.’

She explained in an interview with Vice: ‘The problem that bisexual people face is that we can be invisible in straight and gay and lesbian communities. It sometimes leaves people feeling like they’ve got nowhere to go.’

If you want my full title…

Thankfully I am in a position where it is safe for me to be open about my sexuality. I’m very aware that some people cannot do the same.

Every contribution to the wider battle for LGBTI acceptance counts though. This is me doing my part.

So while Jane Doe from Manchester who just so happens to identify as bisexual may not want to be known as bisexual Jane Doe, feel free to pop that prefix on my name.

Hell, the more prefixes to my name the better. Maybe next time someone asks for my title, I’ll give them the whole thing – Bisexual demiromantic polyamorous gender-questioning journalist Charlie Mathers. Because my sexuality defines me after all.

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