LGBTQ Literature is aReaders and Book Loversseries dedicated to discussing literature that has made an impact on the lives of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer people. From fiction to contemporary nonfiction to history and everything in between, any literature that touches on LGBTQ themes is welcome in this series. LGBTQ Literature posts on the last Sunday of every month at 7:30 PM EST. If you are interested in writing for the series,please send a messagetoChrislove.
Good evening, faithful LGBTQ Literature readers.
I’ve spoken very openly about my personal life, including my mental health, here in this space. That is partly because I view Daily Kos as my extended family, and partly because I believe this topic should be destigmatized, so I always try to be open and honest about it.
In this diary, I talked at length about some of the personal progress I’ve made in the past year or so. I mentioned that a major part of my progress came from taking antidepressants, which really turned my life around in so many ways and opened up so many possibilities. Unfortunately—as many of you know, I’m sure—antidepressants often come with side effects. I experienced my share of them, and under the guidance of my doctor, I lowered my dosage. Which worked! The side effects subsided, and I still felt great. So I thought I’d figured it out.
Several months later, I’m realizing that the dosage cut did more than eliminate my side effects. It happened very slowly—so slowly that I didn’t even notice it at first. But gradually, I’ve started reverting to many of my old thought patterns, anxiety spirals, and bad coping habits. The looming election undoubtedly has something to do with it (I’m sure many of you can relate). It really started with that first debate between Biden and Trump, which gave me a literal panic attack (and I do mean that literally—I was begging to be taken to the hospital). Then, Hurricane Beryl hit, which was a real trauma for us, as it was for many Houstonians. This is when I really started to unravel. But I know none of that entirely explains what is happening to me. I know what I really need to do is address the medication part, which I’ve frankly been putting off.
I want to emphasize that I’m fine right now, so I don’t want anybody to worry about me. But I know myself. I know that I’m circling at the very top of the drain, and if I don’t intervene, I’m going to go right down that drain.
And I know what I need to do, because I’ve been here before—the difference is that now I know the way out. I need to focus on myself and my own health, which starts with figuring out the medication side of things. That could very well take weeks, during which time I’ll be struggling (which is why I’ve been putting it off). In the meantime, I need to step away from responsibilities that are not entirely necessary. I have enough going on with the job that pays my bills, and I must be honest with myself and admit that I can’t handle too much more than that. This series isn’t the only thing I need to step away from, but it’s unfortunately one of them.
So here is my plan: We are getting close to the end of the year. I’m going to step away for the remainder of 2024 and figure my shit out, with the goal of reviving the series in January 2025. But regardless, there will be an update at the beginning of the year. I’m optimistic that I’ll be in a much better place by then, because as I said, I know what I need to do. And that January 2025 diary will hopefully come right after we inaugurate Kamala Harris as the 47th president of the United States. If that’s the case, I think we’ll all be in a better place.
I’ll see you in January. Take care of yourselves, and let’s win this thing!
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