By: Sander Jennings
Back in 2019, as a 20-year-old college student on a reality TV show actively supporting my trans sister, Jazz Jennings, many people would look at me and say, “Sander Jennings, that’s an ally.” Others had some not so kind words. Here’s what I’ve learned and unlearned, as a proud ally to the LGBTQ community.
Understanding Jazz’s Journey
My sister Jazz came out as transgender before I fully understood what gender or sexuality even were. I didn’t know why my brother was now my sister. But how could I? I was only 7 or 8 at the time, and unless you’re trans, it’s hard to truly understand what it’s like. But as time went on, and growing up alongside Jazz, my understanding grew and I continued doing what any brother should: support my sister.
Finding My Voice as an Ally
By the time my family decided to publicly share our story on our reality TV show, I Am Jazz, I began to become more aware of the world and the hate that the LGBTQ community faces. Even though people saw me supporting Jazz on TV, I look back and realize that I wasn’t using my voice actively within my own community. Especially in my first few years of college, I feared judgment, hate, and losing friends. I saw the hate my sister received on social media and from friends, and I lived within my privilege as a white, heterosexual, cisgender man. I was an ally without a voice.
Once I began to mature and the hate against my family grew louder, I realized the power of my voice. I recognized that for every LGBTQ person, there’s a sibling or a friend who can stand beside them. With only a small portion of the population identifying as LGBTQ, there are so many more people who could be allies. And with more people as allies, maybe one day LGBTQ people could be accepted by everyone in society. I asked myself, “Why was I so afraid to use my voice?” And, “How many other allies feel the same way I do?” From these moments, my life changed, and I made it my mission to be a role model for other allies.
Confronting Hate and Self-Doubt
In 2019, I started creating educational content, sharing my story, and using my voice for allyship. But as my influence grew, so did the hate. Online and in person, people began bullying me, questioning my sexuality and saying things like, “If you support the LGBTQ community, you must be part of it.”
Because of this, I started questioning myself. “Am I doing the right thing? Are people seeing something I don’t see? What if I am gay?” Through self-reflection, I gained even more passion and confidence. I realized that it didn’t matter if people questioned my sexuality, for several reasons: 1) It’s none of their business; 2) Even if I weren’t straight, that would be okay; and 3) I know who I am and am confident in my identity. I understand that some people fear being judged for supporting the LGBTQ community. My message to them is: Are those really the people you want in your life? If they have a problem with you supporting others for who they are, that’s on them – not you.
After college, as I continued to use my voice, the hate only grew. I’d receive thousands of hateful comments on my social media, with people saying I was terrible for “letting my brother live that way” and constantly questioning my allyship as performative. Despite the hate, I reminded myself of how important this work is. I knew that my intentions came from a deep love and commitment to supporting the LGBTQ community, and that I’d keep going in my mission to create more acceptance.
Supporting Jazz and the Community
The hardest part about dealing with hate isn’t when it’s directed at me, but when it’s aimed at my loved ones. When people still call my sister “my brother” or say that my mom should be in jail, it breaks my heart. It’s 2024, and yet people still have the audacity to tell others how to live. I just wish people could spread love instead of hate. Sadly, that’s not always the case, which is why there’s still so much advocacy work to be done.
I’ve started not only participating in public projects but also doing work behind the scenes to support the community. Through this, I’ve learned that allyship comes in many forms. From lawmakers fighting for LGBTQ rights, to allies advocating when LGBTQ people aren’t in the room, to something as simple as sending a loved one an affirmation, everyone can take steps toward being an active ally each day. As I’ve become more involved, I’ve developed close relationships with many LGBTQ community members, and I’m constantly learning and unlearning. I’ve made mistakes and have had to listen, unlearn, and grow from feedback. Allyship isn’t just during Pride month, you commit to educating yourself and be proud to be an active ally 365 days a year.
My Message to Other Allies
Today, I still use my social media platform to create educational content, amplify LGBTQ voices, and affect change. I also launched my own marketing agency, DigiEmpower, which helps nonprofits, small businesses, and start-ups build communities and empower change. Many of my clients are LGBTQ-owned businesses or businesses with a strong mission to support diversity, equity, and inclusion. The hate I still receive is far outweighed by the positive impact I know my work has. It keeps me going.
My message to people searching for their voice as an ally is this: One accepting adult can decrease an LGBTQ young person’s risk of suicide by more than 40%. Any friends you might lose for standing up for what you believe in are a lot less important than the lives you could save.
With the results of the most recent election, many questions and concerns for the LGBTQ community – especially the transgender community – are coming to the forefront. These are extremely difficult times for the community, and allyship is more important than ever. Many LGBTQ activists are understandably angry, hurt, and distrusting toward those who voted against their rights by supporting leaders who do not stand with us.
To those who say that you voted for reasons other than LGBTQ rights, but still support those rights, then prove it. Donate to LGBTQ organizations, use your voice for change, join us in allyship, and more. This action does not undo your vote, but if you truly care, the community needs you now more than ever. Help us show the officials you elected that you do not support policies that undermine human rights.
With our collective voices and by demonstrating active allyship, we can help create a world where every LGBTQ person is met with acceptance, love, and equal rights. Let’s all keep spreading love and using our voice for change!
With love,
Sander Jennings
