At GenderGP we receive thousands of emails a year, from patients young and old, male and female. But requests for help from older transmen are rare.
When I recently opened up two email enquiries back to back, both from transmen born in the 1960s, it got me wondering: Where are all the transmen?
Listening to the media, one would be forgiven for thinking that the rise in younger transmen is evidence of a new trend.
Indeed, if the anti trans lobby is to be believed, the rise in girls looking to transition is evidence of them being disillusioned and disenfranchised with the current pressures being placed on them by society.
Pressures so great that they would rather renounce their gender than accept all the challenges that come with being female.
As a transwoman, I remain unconvinced by this argument.
I spoke to a doctor from Manchester – who also happens to be a transman in his 50s – to get his take on the phenomenon.
‘Growing up in the 60s it was not OK to be different’
He explained: ‘I knew I was trans from a very early age. I remember, having been observed by my adopted father displaying behaviour more in keeping with that of my brothers, him asking me outright: Would you like to be a boy? My response was genuine and the resulting beating I received was so severe that I suffered a concussion.
‘Growing up in the 60s it was not OK to be different. Whether it was your sexuality, your race or your religion, if you put your head above the parapet it was going to get shot down. So while the feelings continued, I locked them away.
‘During that era, the role of the dominant male in the household dictated much of the agenda. The father went out to work, brought home the bacon, made the rules and the rest of the household followed.
‘If you disagreed or disobeyed you were punished. This was a long time before smacking children was banned and spanking was administered freely in response to many a childhood transgression.
‘It’s no surprise then that children chose to swallow any revelations of non-conformity, given the hornets nest they would be kicking.
‘For the transman, continuing to keep such revelations under wraps for fear of recriminations, would be more natural than sharing their innermost secrets.
‘Growing up there were no words to describe how I was feeling’
‘Over the past 50 years, acceptance within society has grown exponentially,’ he said. ‘And with it patriarchal dominance, in many instances, has softened.
‘Not only can a child now come out as gay and not be thrown out, but we can have sensible dinner table discussions about same-sex marriage and gender variant kids.
‘As humans, the ability to express our feelings and to be listened to is a huge part of coming to terms with any emotional turmoil we may be experiencing. In such an environment it’s easy to see how those living with gender variance might feel more open to sharing their innermost secrets, and becoming more visible.
‘Another driving factor in the increased visibility of younger transmen, is greater awareness of the issues surrounding gender diversity.
‘Growing up there were no words to describe how I was feeling. As such, when the gay rights movement began to gain momentum, I felt I had found my cause. I was so busy fighting for gay rights that the idea that there might be more to my situation didn’t even cross my mind.
‘It’s no wonder that those who can blend into society, do’
‘Transgenderism tends to be treated as a thing of fascination for the entertainment and delight of the wider world, this is borne out in the media coverage and TV debates that we have seen of late.
‘There is a grotesque element to this of everyone being encouraged to gather round as if to see the “circus freak.” In reality putting a person on display in this way is incredibly damaging. It’s no wonder that those who can blend into society, do.
‘Many older transmen, living as lesbians, choose not to come out for a second time. They have fought their battle already, they have established relationships which may not survive the revelation. As such they choose to keep their truth a secret, a continuation of the self-preservation response preferred by their younger selves.
‘Being transgender runs a lot deeper than feeling disenfranchised. You don’t just wake up one morning and say, “today I shall be trans!” You are born with it.
‘In my opinion, it is the parents of the trans kids who are disenfranchised. They are so busy trying to do and be everything to everyone that they can’t cope if their kids don’t fall into line. It’s human nature to want consistency. Inconsistency causes mistrust.
‘Transmen are not a new phenomenon’
‘We are understanding more and more about gender. As research into this area expands it will be fascinating to see what the impact of stress in pregnancy might be or to discover that there are in fact certain environmental factors or medications which affect gender during foetal development.
‘But we will only deepen our understanding with time, effort and the desire to do so.
‘In the meantime, we will continue to hear the uneducated voices of those who see the world in black and white and who attribute the “stark rise” in transmen to our young girls being disenfranchised. To those people I would simply say, look around you: Transmen are not a new phenomenon.
‘First people get very frightened and the emotional tidal wave causes raised voices, careless expressions of opinion and brutality in many forms. Then after all the fighting, there will, as in the aftermath of any war, be peace.’
‘Our children – both male and female – are suffering’
It’s always those who shout loudest who are heard. The accusations of adolescent girls rejecting their gender because of the pressures placed on them by society is not unreasonable, but nor is it based in fact.
The figures show that our children – both male and female – are suffering and this is something that we need to address. But we should not allow our fear of the unknown or the unfamiliar to distract us. Transgender men and women are part of the fabric of society and always have been. Just because you fail to spot the transmen doesn’t mean they aren’t there.
When we talk about how far the trans community has come in recent years it is easy to forget that there are some people who are being left behind. The older transmen, the truly repressed, it would be lovely if we could reach out to them and welcome them in to our new world.
Marianne Oakes, is lead counsellor at GenderGP, a UK-based support service for trans and non-binary individuals.
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