The substitute teacher said a little over a dozen words to the 12-year-old during fourth period art class, but it was enough to push him over the edge.
It went something like this, according to the boy and his mother:
“Get up, lady,” the substitute teacher said.
“I’m not a lady,” H., who is a boy, responded.
“OK, little girl,” she said. “I’m not a girl.”
“OK, woman.” “I’m not a woman.”
“OK, they.” “I’m not a they.”
“OK, person of this Earth.”
The boy, who has long hair, dresses in feminine clothing and wears jewelry and occasionally makeup, started crying, then left the classroom to go to the front office of Willowside Middle School, a public school in the Oak Grove Union School District between Santa Rosa and Sebastopol.
The boy’s mother allowed him to be interviewed by The Press Democrat as long as he was identified only by his first initial, H.
A week later, H. had four incidents in the span of a day and a half in which students misgendered or harassed him for his appearance.
He never returned to school after April 17. He was placed on medical leave due to depression, thoughts of self-harm and suicidal ideation. His mom, Kiley Kerbel, homeschooled him for the rest of the school year and made plans for H. to attend a different school district next year.
It’s not just one incident or one student who was affected.
According to parents and advocacy groups, a pattern of discrimination, bullying, sexual harassment and a lack of action to protect queer students is creating an unwelcome environment for them. At least three students have left Willowside and the Oak Grove Union School District altogether.
Willowside Principal Dani Barese declined to comment, referring all inquiries to Superintendent Amber Stringfellow.
Following the incident, Kerbel filed a uniform complaint with the CaliforniaDepartment of Education. The investigation will be conducted by the district’s title IX investigator, which is Stringfellow.
Stringfellow did not respond to specific questions, but did provide a district statement.
“As an educational institution, our core responsibility is student learning, and to this end, we know that all students learn best in environments where they are seen, heard, valued and respected,” she said in an email. “This is a value that we share across our district and one that strongly guides our work.
“The district acts with urgency and vigilance to investigate and appropriately address reports of alleged bullying and all forms of hurtful behaviors in order to uphold our policies and help ensure that we thoughtfully and responsibly attend to all of our students’ safety and well-being,“ she said.
Stringfellow summarized a list of initiatives that address campus climate including counseling services, an equity audit in partnership with Sonoma County Office of Education, increased security surveillance and a collaboration with the non-profit Positive Images organization to celebrate Harvey Milk Day.
Kyrsten Lange, President of NAACP Santa Rosa-Sonoma County Chapter, confirmed that her organization is aiding several families with Title IX complaints against Willowside since 2022. Other Sonoma County schools have had issues of discrimination against children on the margins, but Willowside is a glaring example, Lange said.
Title IX, which was passed in 1972, is a federal law that bars sex discrimination in education. President Joe Biden expanded the law to provide protections for LGBTQ+ students.
The expanded policy goes into affect August; however, federal judges have temporarily blocked those regulations in 10 red states now.
In total, the local NAACP has helped file about a dozen Title IX complaints in Sonoma County so far this year, Lange said. She added that because there are 40 school districts, there are many “well-intentioned community members and parents who are not keeping themselves informed on current policy, practice, social norms.”
“I think it’s detrimental to the future of our campus communities when adults are so far removed to these key issues that students are navigating on a daily basis, and their failures to respond and acknowledge it is also a failure to the student,” she said.
Drew Crawford, an education and training manager at Positive Images, a Santa Rosa-based nonprofit which supports and advocates for the North Bay’s LGBTQIA+ community, said they started hearing from struggling families at Willowside in early 2023. The bullying often involved racist and homophobic language and attitudes, he said.
“We get a lot of calls from these parents who don’t know where to turn because their schools have discounted their child’s experiences as typical development patterns by saying things like ‘boys will be boys’ or ‘young people are just curious about other people’s identity’ when in fact they’re committing assault and also sexual harassment,” Crawford said.
