The Deutsche Bank AIDS Walk contingent (Photo: @jontilli | Instagram)
A gay man just recounted the most heartbreaking story of living through the AIDS crisis in the 80s and 90s.
Tucker Shaw took to Twitter yesterday (18 September) to tell the story, after he overhead a conversation of two young men on the train.
The young men were holding hands and talking about AIDS.
They were discussing ‘how it had galvanized the gay community. How it had spurred change. Paved the way to make things better, in the long run,’ Shaw tweeted.
A red ribbon at the White House for World AIDS Day in 2014 | Photo: Flickr/Ted Eytan
Shaw said it wasn’t the first time he’s heard that theory, but then started to explain the cold, hard reality.
He continued in the tweet thread: ‘Remember how terrible it was, not that long ago, during the worst times. How many beautiful friends died. One after the other. Brutally. Restlessly. Brittle and damp. In cold rooms with hot lights. Remember?
‘Some nights, you’d sneak in to that hospital downtown after visiting hours, just to see who was around. It wasn’t hard.
‘You’d bring a boom box. Fresh gossip. Trashy magazines and cheap paperbacks. Hash brownies. Anything. Nothing.
‘You’d get kicked out, but you’d sneak back in. Kicked out again. Back in again. Sometimes you’d recognize a friend. Sometimes you wouldn’t.
‘Other nights, you’d go out to dance and drink. A different distraction. You’d see a face in the dark, in the back of the bar. Is it you? Old friend! No. Not him. Just a ghost.
‘At work, you’d find an umbrella, one you’d borrowed a few rainstorms ago from a coworker. I should return it, you’d think. No. No need. He’s gone. It’s yours now,’ Shaw tweeted.
‘I’ll keep those shoes under the bed’
Shaw continued with the story: ‘One day you’d get lucky and meet someone lovely. You’d feel happy, optimistic. You’d make plans.
‘Together, you’d keep a list of names in a notebook you bought for thirty cents in Chinatown so you could remember who was still here and who wasn’t, because it was so easy to forget.
‘But there were so many names to write down. Too many names. Names you didn’t want to write down.
‘When he finally had to go too, you got rid of the notebook. No more names.
‘Your friends would come over with takeout and wine and you’d see how hard they tried not to ask when he was coming home because they knew he wasn’t coming home. No one came home. You’d turn 24.
‘When he’d been gone long enough and it was time to get rid of his stuff, they’d say so. It’s time. And you’d do it, you’d give away the shirts, sweaters, jackets. Everything.
‘Except those shoes. You remember the ones. He loved those shoes, you’d say. We loved those shoes. I’ll keep those shoes under the bed.
‘You’d move to a new neighborhood. You’d unpack the first night, take a shower, make the bed because it’d be bedtime – you’d think of the shoes. For the first time, you’d put them on. Look at those shoes. What great shoes.
‘Air. You’d need air. You’d walk outside in the shoes, just to the stoop – you’d sit. A breeze. A neighbor steps past. “Great shoes,” she’d say. But the shoes are too big for you.
‘You’d sit for a while, maybe an hour, maybe more. Then you’d unlace the shoes, set them by the trash on the curb. You’d go back upstairs in your socks. The phone is ringing. More news.
‘The long run. Wasn’t that long ago,’ he finished the thread.
Inspiring stories
At the time of writing, the thread has more than 47,000 likes and 14,000 retweets.
The thread then inspired stories from people who lost loved ones during the AIDS crisis.
One person responded: ‘I lost my uncle to it. Growing up a scared queer kid in a hyperconservative small town, the only one of my kind as far as I knew, I always wondered how things would be different if he was around. If there was someone at family events who understood.’
Another replied: ‘This had me in tears. I used to go to the hospital and seek out the dying brothers who had no one. They would tell me their story. I was with so many when they died. I stopped keeping count when I reached 800.’
You can follow Tucker Shaw on Twitter.
See also:
Landmark court ruling in UK could pave way for cheaper, generic PrEP
Parkland survivor David Hogg brings attention to trans murders at United States AIDS Conference
Beautiful stories explain why people bike across California in the AIDS/LifeCycle
