Charlie Mathers cried happy tears to finally see good polyamorous representation | Photo: Supplied
It’s 2018 and polyamorous people still face stigma.
The standard relationship format of two people in a committed relationship to each other, with no one else involved, is still the norm in most people’s eyes.
A lot of people see polyamory and open relationships as excuses for people to just cheat – But it’s really not that.
What we really need to help stop this is good representation. And unfortunately, there’s not been a lot of this in the past.
With Bella Thorne being open about her relationships with Mod Sun and Tana
I came out as bisexual when I was 13. It’s only in recent years that I’ve really embraced it as part of my identity though. Now, working at an LGBTI news organization and volunteering for more than one Pride organization, it’s rare I meet someone who doesn’t already know my sexuality.
I’m extremely loud, and extremely proud. I will not stand for anyone being biphobic or erasing bi identities, and I call myself a bi activist.
‘Worse representation than bisexual people’
Another part of my identity where I don’t quite feel that proudness though — I’m also polyamorous.
Thankfully I am very lucky to have faced next to no discrimination for being polyam.
But I’m still very very aware of how rare non-monogamous people get good representation. I might even be so bold as saying that they get worse representation than bisexual people.
This is why when Bella and Tana continue to post pictures casually, it makes me so happy.
I’ve cried actual happy tears, tears of relief even over seeing myself represented genuinely. Their relationship isn’t sleazy, it isn’t dirty, it isn’t forbidden.
There are pictures of Bella, her boyfriend Mod Sun and Tana all hanging out. And it’s completely fine! They’re all happy! They’re all friendly!
Sense8 Spoilers ahead
Viewers were left wondering who Kala would choose | Photo: Sense8
Another polyamorous representation that really left a smile on my face was in the Sense8 finale.
As the two-hour-long movie progressed, most viewers were left wondering who Sense8 Kala would choose.
Would she choose her fellow Sense8 and love interest Wolfgang or would she choose her husband Rajan?
In the second to last scene, Will asks Kala if she knows what she wants. She looks over, see’s both of her men dancing happily together, and downs her drink.
With no worded answer from her, we’re still left wondering.
Well surprise — It looks like she actually chose both! Because that’s actually something people can do!
The final scene is very typical of Sense8 when we see everyone getting it on. We also see Kala having a threesome with Wolfgang and Rajan.
And you know that every other character will have been completely fine with it. If anything, they were probably happy for them all. All the Sense8’s had already happily welcomed Rajan into the family anyway.
‘Visible representation of polyamory’
While a lot of monogamous people will enthusiastically chat away about how much they’re looking forward to finding the one, and talk about how they want their dream relationship to work… Polyam people often aren’t afforded that freedom.
I definitely do not feel confident or comfortable enough to say that my dream relationship would be one similar to Kala, Rajan and Wolfgang… Or Bella, Tana and Mod.
I hope there’s a day I find two people that I love and can settle into a relationship with both.
For now though, I’m just happy that at last the public are seeing polyamorous people for the loving people they are.
I’m incredibly grateful to Tana, Bella and Mod for allowing their dynamic to be a visible representation of polyamory. I’m also incredibly grateful to the team behind Sense8 for continuing to be amazing and shining a light on communities who are often put to the side.
Find Charlie Mathers on Twitter.
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