Jamal Siddiqui. | Photo: Gaylaxy
Jamal Siddiqui is a Muslim, lower middle class trans man in India, here he shares his story of navigating the queer world while navigating the intersections of his identity.
I come from a lower middle class Muslim family.
Navigating any queer space has been a challenge because of my religion and also because of my class. In queer circles there is a vicious game of privileges that is played out in various contexts.
There are some people who recognize their privileges and some just don’t care about even acknowledging it. And for people like me who do not have many privileges, we struggle to navigate in these spaces not only because I want my story or my experiences to be heard from me or in my words but also because I am looking for respect and acceptance for me in the way I am.
Lower caste beginnings
My father comes from a poor dalit family in Kolkata where the houses end before they even start.
There were eight to 10 people living in one room. Kids start working before even hitting puberty.
My father changed his surname on documents to leave his caste behind because the caste system was very brutal.
He joined the Air Force and started living in air force camps. I was born in a defense hospital. Because of his job, we shifted homes often and I have lived in many parts of the country.
Welcome to the queer world
When I was in my early 20’s I was introduced to the queer world.
Being a newbie at that time I saw a lot of factionalism and also that there were very few people who would actually want to interact with a newbie.
Eventually, after sometime, I was introduced to trans community and then I started my transition. I was never ashamed of being a Muslim and a lower middle class guy.
After that, I started dating an upper class cis woman who is also an activist and that’s when many things began to change.
I remember when I was added to this all transmen Whatsapp informal group, a guy started messaging in the group that Islam is bad and conservative and started asking me questions about my religion.
Well that was not the first time I was supposed to be defensive as a Muslim, however it was the first time in the queer community. Such incidents have become a common sight for me.
Also in the queer community there are people who fetishize Muslim people.
I mean I am just like everybody else – I eat, I drink and I poop. Sometimes I have also become a token for people to prove or portray themselves as a secular person because being friends with someone Muslim does make you a secular person- right!
Class in the queer world
If you think religion is a tricky subject then wait for class.
Class in queer community is something that is interesting as well as frustrating. Class is also measured by how fluent and lavish your English is. I can write, speak and understand English.
However, I am not very good in English because I did my graduation via distance learning. Apart from that, I seriously cannot understand many words spoken in activist circles .
If only they had a crash course on how to be activist and articulate in activist language.
People like me try to wear expensive clothes and stuff so that they don’t look middle or lower class as people in queer community have this habit of looking down on people who do not have the same class as them.
Am I an activist?
I never like this word activist when it is used for me as I have seen mostly upper class and upper caste people doing activism.
I rarely find people from lower classes as activists.
First of all, we do not have the language and since we don’t know the ‘activist language’, it is really hard to grab people’s attention and make them listen to what we want to say.
Also if you do not know the activist language, you do not fit in the activist circles. Moreover, I do not have money and spare time to do activism. I spend most of my time working hard to earn my bread and butter and because I come from a lower middle class family, I can’t expect my father to support me financially too.
This piece originally appeared in Gaylaxy and has been republished here with permission.
